Association of Domestic

 Violence Outreach Stores

Welcome to the Association of Domestic Violence Outreach Stores Website!  Please visit a store near you.   
In 2008, there were 84 domestic violence murders in North Calolina.

 

 
    Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to 
    completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or 
    computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer 
    computer, call your local hotline, and/or call the National 
    Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 
    1-800-787-3224

 
    
 Please see "Our Locations" tab for an oureach store near you!

                                             
                              What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological action or any threats of action that influence another person. This includes any behavior that frightens, intimidates, terrorizes, manipulates, hurts, humiliates, blames, injures or wounds someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together, or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

 

 

 

 

 

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
  • Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
  • Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
  • Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
  • Does not want you to work.
  • Controls finances or refuses to share money.
  • Punishes you by withholding affection.
  • Expects you to ask permission.
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
  • Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

  • Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
  • Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
  • Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
  • Scared you by driving recklessly.
  • Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
  • Forced you to leave your home.
  • Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
  • Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
  • Hurt your children.
  • Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
  • Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
  • Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
  • Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
  • Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
  • Held you down during sex.
  • Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
  • Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
  • Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
  • Ignored your feelings regarding sex.

If any of these things happen to you, you may be in an abusive relationship. 


Why do people stay with their abusers?

  • Economic dependence.
  • Fear of retribution.
  • Fear of emotional damage to children.
  • Fear of losing custody of children.
  • Nowhere to go.
  • No job skills.
  • Fear of social isolation from family or friends.
  • Fear of court processes.
  • Cultural or religious conflicts.
  • Fear of loneliness.
  • Insecurity about the future.
  • Guilt about failure of marriage.
  • Fear that abuser cannot survive alone.
  • Belief that the abuser will change.
  • Fear of making major life changes.

 

 

 


Part of a display in memory of those who have died due to domestic violence.

                                                         What isTeen Dating Violence?

        Teenagers often experience violence in dating relationships.  Statistics show that one in three 
       teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship.  In dating violence, one partner 
       tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse.  Dating violence crosses all 
       racial, economic and social lines.  Most victims are young women who may end up in danger
       of serious injury.  Young women need a dating safety plan.
                                                        
       Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:

    • Are inexperienced with dating relationships.
    • Are pressured by peers to act violently.
    • Want independence from parents.
    • Have "romantic" views of love.

        Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.
               
        Young men may believe:      

    • They have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
    • "Masculinity" is physical aggressiveness.
    • They "possess" their partner.
    • They should demand intimacy.
    • They may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

         Young women may believe:

    • They are responsible for solving problems in their relationships.
    • Their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse is romantic.
    • Abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused. 
    • There is no one to ask for help. 

      Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early 
         warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe 
         they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect.
                                                
        Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive: 

    • Extreme jealousy
    • Controlling behavior
    • Quick involvement
    • Unpredictable mood swings.
    • Alcohol and/or drug abuse.
    • Explosive anger
    • Isolates you from friends and family.
    • Shows hypersensitivity.
    • Believes in rigid sex roles.
    • Blames others for his problems or feelings.
    • Cruel to animals and/or children.
    • Verbally abusive
    • Abused former partners.
    • Uses force during and argument.

        Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence

    • Physical signs of injury.
    • Truancy, dropping out of school.
    • Failing grades  
    • Indecision 
    • Changes in mood or personality.
    • Use of drugs and/or alcohol.
    • Emotional outbursts
    • Isolation                         

                                           

 

 

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